Apparently you make a good broom.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
