I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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