I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
only if we run a train.
done.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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