I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
