Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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