I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
