my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
