the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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