I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
