I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize