help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
