I didn't shave. On purpose
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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