There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
