dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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