Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
