i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
