you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Everclear isn't food dammit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
