We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I FOUND THE LEGS
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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