Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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