Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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