I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
