And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
