Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
