So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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