reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize