Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
