who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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