He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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