saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
