jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
