Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
