Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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