we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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