Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
