Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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