In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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