Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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