I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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