Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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