dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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