i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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