I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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