i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
