Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
