did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize