Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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