Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
