Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He felt like a one man threesome
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
