I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
