You can't motorboat a personality
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize