I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
