You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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