i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
