Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
