Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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