your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
