Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
