five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
