Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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