I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
