also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
