This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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