can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
