I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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