this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize