Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize