wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
