you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
