I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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