He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
