You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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