I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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