google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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