The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
