he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
