I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
