She is in my trunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
