i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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