no, he came in my armpit
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
