I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
where are you?
Hypothermia
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
