the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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