I puked a lego.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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