why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
