I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
