So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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