Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
