Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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