I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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