would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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