her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize