hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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