drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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