people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
