is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize