I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
