I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
