Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sorry my hands just texted you
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
